I was skyping my family yesterday…
And when I said the words “I’ll see you soon” for the first time..I actually meant it.
It’s such an odd feeling approaching my last week as a missionary- I have soooo many mixed feelings- excitement & terror, relief & anxiety, happiness & sadness. To leave the life I know to go into the unknown is a scary, and thrilling thing.
Before my mission I was this sad, mad girl who had a difficult thing happen in my life that led me to question everything I had ever believed in. I doubted in a loving God, I doubted His involvement in my life..I had forgotten the times He was there, I allowed my doubts to overcome my faith.. And I felt completely and utterly alone.
But I let Him in.
I remembered what it meant to have faith.
& the second I did my life changed forever–He took away my pain, my sadness, my sin and filled that gap with faith & hope & light & love and everything else that’s important & good in this life.
I am so eternally grateful for this mission God has given me.
It is where I found out what life is all about – what eternity is all about.
I’ve been given brief moments where I get to experience not only happiness, but joy, REAL JOY, the kind that comes only from heaven. I never dreamed that this much happiness existed. Being able to be the instrument in reminding Gods beautiful children about His beautiful plan and seeing the light- the physical light come into their eyes as their spirits retain that recollection of who they were, who they are and who they can become has been the greatest source of joy for me. I have seen first and second hand how the Gospel of Jesus Christ fixes everything. In some of the most downtrodden broken lives, with the most rugged people (in our eyes, of course), in the most undesirable circumstances… Christ and His teachings have heal what we cannot imagine could be healed.
It is where I found my personal relationship with the Savior.
I love my Savior.
Never could I have made it on my own, it is honestly just too hard.
I’m too selfish, too lazy, too proud.
Luckily He didn’t ask me to do it alone, He promised to be there the whole way-His hand always outstretched.. Did I always remember that it was there? NO. And when I didn’t do my part to reach out I felt hopeless, I felt weak, and I felt alone. But when I humbled myself and grabbed His hand He strengthened me, helped me and caused me to stand.. He lives up to every promise. I have come to know Him more through learning of Him, through reading His words. The Book of Mormon and the Bible together have become such a great source of strength and light for me- they aren’t just stories any more. They’re real sacrifices that real people made so that “our children may know to what source to look to for a remission of their sins” to know why we can hope.
It is where I have been shown what it means to love.
I have come to love SO many people.
People from every walk of life.
Oh, how I love them & how I will miss them.
They will forever be a part of me.
I have learned to see others through our Fathers eyes- as my brothers & sisters.
As they tell me their life stories-of who they’ve been, and what they’ve done..I see in a very real way who they may become- and I love them as if they were already that person.
I’ve learned to love myself, as I’ve tried to lose myself- I’ve found myself. I remember who I was, who I am and have seen glimpses of who I may become. My infinite worth.
Reflecting back on all the experiences I have been blessed with, brings nothing but laughs and smiles and tears…it has truly been one of the greatest blessings in my life so far.
I am so grateful for the support I’ve been given from friends and family.
I’m sad to leave, but I’m excited to go & apply what I’ve learned from my mission into the rest of my life. I’ll never forget these 18 months God gave to me.
I’ll see you in a few days!!!!